it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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