I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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