Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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