Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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