I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
