i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's always time for handjobs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
