when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
