Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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