Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
