I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
