just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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