are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
