So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
