Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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