Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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