I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
