please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
