This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
