Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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