I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
