So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize