its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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