sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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