She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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