u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
