well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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