Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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