i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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