margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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