Whoa Z and x make the same sound
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
