You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
