my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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