Your face is a jimmy john
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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