I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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