No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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