her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Found the puke drawer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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