I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
