I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
