I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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