where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
