How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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