i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
