My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize