Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
