nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize