so explain again why im purple
no
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
