I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i drank out of a bidet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
