It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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