Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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