how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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