You're so nebulous sometimes
I faked an abortion last night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
