just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
