They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
