Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
