I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
