Cold hands, warm shart.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
