Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
