It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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