dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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