Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You took a bar mat shot.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize