I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
