you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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