If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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