Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
