he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
