in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
