Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
