She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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