Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There's even glitter on my cock...
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