Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize