She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
