True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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