Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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