I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
