i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
