the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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