You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
