looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
