Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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