New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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