i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize