she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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