I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
